The problem: I think my teen is involved in an unhealthy relationship.
Learn more about your child’s relationship.
Do: Talk to your teen. Share what you’ve observed and why it concerns you. Ask questions to find out what the relationship looks like from their point of view.
Talk about love and healthy relationships.
Do: Your kid may call you corny, but in a world of Kardashians and reality TV dating, kids don’t have a lot of role models for healthy relationships. Talk about what a healthy love looks like and share positive stories about your dating and romances. Your child may not be able to relate, but they will hear the bigger message: healthy relationships are positive and worthwhile.
Watch for changes in your child’s mood and behavior.
Do: Signs that your teen is under stress may include extreme irritability, sleeping more, avoiding usual routines, excessive arguing with their girlfriend or boyfriend, avoiding other friends, as well as signs of coercive or manipulative behavior. These are all signs that you need to intercede immediately.
Get help from a professional.
Do: Get your school’s help to find a counselor or therapist who specializes in teens.
Don’t put your head in the sand.
Don’t wait and hope it gets better. If you suspect that your teen is involved in an unhealthy relationship, talk with them about it now. Share examples of healthy relationships versus unhealthy relationships so they can understand the difference. Talk about how unhealthy relationships make people feel bad about themselves, make people doubt themselves, make people change, make people feel unsafe, etc. Remind your child that they deserve a healthy relationship that makes them feel happy, secure, and good about themself.
Talk about the value of a healthy relationship.
Say: “Healthy relationships make people feel good, not bad.”
Don’t label your child’s chosen partner.
Don’t say: “He’s a jerk. I forbid you to see him anymore!”
Why this approach to your child’s unhealthy relationship matters
If you put your child in the position of defending their boy/girlfriend, that makes it a battle between the two of you. You want your child to know you’re their ally, no matter what. You don’t want to make your child feel like they have to choose between you and their relationship.
Check out The essential guide to managing your child’s behavior and discipline. In our guide, you can see all the aspects of children’s behavior that we cover. Our guide helps you understand your child鈥檚 behavior, respond with care, and use discipline effectively.
