The problem: Other kids are pressuring my child to exclude another child.
Help them understand why exclusion is wrong.
Do: Ask your child how they would feel if they were being excluded. Tell your child that often kids doing the excluding are afraid of being excluded themselves. Help your child see that by standing up for another child and including them, they send the group a message that no one needs to fear being excluded.
Urge your child to consult their sense of right and wrong.
Do: Ask your child how it feels to see another child being excluded. Ask if they can think of anything they could do to intercede that would feel more right to them.
Get the school’s help.
Do: Reach out to your child’s teacher, advisor, school counselor, or principal if you feel an adult should be involved. What is the school policy on bullying and exclusion? Does it sounds like there’s bullying? Is the dynamic getting in the way of kids’ learning and well-being?
Don’t contact the other parents.
You’ll betray your child’s trust and possibly create problems between your child and their peers.
Share your own story about being excluded.
Say: “I was involved in a situation like this once…”
Don’t say
“If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”
Why this approach matters
Every child feels the pressure to follow the group and to exclude another child at some point.
Emotional bullying, which includes strategically excluding other kids, is something kids do to increase their own popularity. Make sure your child understands that it’s not OK to participate in this, or to reinforce it by going along with the group.
