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The problem: I worry that my child is bullying other kids.

Check your pride.

Do: If another parent approaches you about your child’s behavior, listen. You might feel defensive, but first hear what they have to say. Then approach your child about it in as neutral and calm away as possible.

Focus on behavior.

Do: Is your child involved in negative behavior? Be specific about what’s not OK: saying mean things about other kids, purposely leaving them out, or teasing kids in a way that’s hurtful or intimidating.”

Use positive framing, too.

Do: Talk to your child about ways to be kind, inclusive, and to build others up rather than tearing them down. Give examples so your child can understand the difference.

Model the change you want to see in your child.

Do: Whether interacting with your child, your partner, or the driver who cuts you off in traffic, hold yourself to the same standard for respectful communication that you expect your child to follow.”

Don’t make excuses.

Don’t: Saying things like “It wasn’t your fault”; or “It wasn’t a big deal”; will send the message that your child is not responsible for their negative or bullying behavior.

Call them out.

Say: “I heard you talking with your friends about another kid in a way that sounded mean and hurtful. What’s the story behind that?”

Don’t make it about you.

Don’t say: “I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that in front of other parents!”

Why this approach matters

You may be angry and embarrassed if another child’s parents come to you about your child bullying other kids. But you need more information to deal with the situation. If you stay calm, you’ll have a better chance of uncovering why your child is acting the way they are.