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The problem: My child has a lot of attitude and doesn’t treat me with respect.

Consider what you mean by respect.

Do: Are you worried that your child isn’t learning to be considerate? Could your child be expressing anger through disrespectful comments? Do you think they’ve learned this behavior from TV shows or peers? Reflect on what bothers you about your child’s behavior before you try to fix it.

Focus on feelings instead of attitude or respect.

Do:
In a neutral, non-accusatory tone, share how your child’s behavior makes you feel. Ask your child how they are feeling when they act that way. And ask them to think about how they would feel if you acted that way.

You may be surprised where attitude or disrespectful behavior comes from.

Do: Get curious and do some digging! A lot of things can trigger a bout of sass. Your child could be imitating older kids’ behavior — or characters on a show. It’s even possible they’re imitating your behavior. Could be your child feels they need to break away from you and establish their independence. Don’t draw conclusions until you’ve played detective.

Ask:

• “How would you describe the behavior?”

Tell your child what you expect in positive terms.

Say:

• “I’d like you to look me in the eye, so I know you’re listening.”
• “Please sit up and put your feet on the ground, not on the table.”

Don’t try to out sass your child.

Don’t say:

• “Thanks a lot!”
• “Don’t give me that attitude! You know what happens to spoiled little dirt clods who disrespect their elders? Ha ha ha, you don’t wanna know!!!”

Why this approach to attitude and lack of respect matters

Respect should be about human decency, not authority or power. Make sure you’re giving your child the same kind of respect you expect from them. A polite voice. Consideration. Avoid sarcasm, threats, and name calling.

Children develop attitudes for many reasons, but experts believe that it’s often a way to get attention from adults. Why might your child want attention? What might be a positive way of giving your child what they need without allowing them to be rude to you?