The problem: I can’t get my child to bed on time.
Make two bedtimes, not one.
Do:
For most kids, there are two bedtimes: one to get in bed and one to have lights out. And therein lies the rub. No matter how late a child gets in bed, most still want a story, a cuddle, or that glass of water, and next thing you know you’re way past bedtime and your child is overtired and getting punchy. Clarify bedtime and sleep time and explain them to your child.
Get your child excited about bedtime.
Do:
Talk about reading a story or something else that your child enjoys and will help them get ready to sleep.
Don’t allow screen time to disrupt the schedule.
Don’t:
Don’t give in when you hear the words, Please… just 10 more minutes! It’s easy to give in to screen time at the end of the night when you’re tired of making decisions. (It’s called decision fatigue.) But late night screen time wires the brain to resist sleep. So it’s harmful in the moment and potentially negatively affects the next night (and whole week), too.
Make bedtime something to look forward to.
Say:
- “I can’t wait to read that book to you tonight!”
- “I went to bed really early last night and I felt so great when I woke up this morning.”
Don’t create anxiety.
Don’t say: “Do you know how important sleep is? You need at least 10 hours a night!!! It’s going to affect your grades and your health. You’ll never be the soccer player you could be if you don’t sleep.”
Why this approach matters
Sleep is so important for a child’s development and physical and mental health. And yet sleep resistance is common at every age. It’s also uniquely human. As animals, we need sleep — but human consciousness gets in the way. If you pile on the anxiety about your child needing sleep, it’s likely to create more sleep issues, not fewer.
Instead, follow good sleep-time habits: limit screen time at night, lower lights, follow a consistent bedtime routine, and stay positive about the process.
Bedtime is also a time of strong emotions. Kids who seem otherwise sunny and independent may become clingy and weepy. Kids who are brave suddenly have fears. This is normal. If your child has a hard time getting to sleep, talk through their feelings during the day to air out the nighttime demons and let your child know there are other times to be near you.
