樱桃视频

As your relationship with your teen evolves — sometimes at what can feel like a whirlwind pace — you will meet a new range of parenting challenges that can be confusing. Your teen is striving for independence yet still needs your guidance. They may not want to listen to you, but they want you to listen to them. They push you away but need to know that you are there for them.

Positive discipline for teenagers means guiding your child toward responsible behavior through respect, understanding, and encouragement. A more directive parenting style (“Do this, do that”) may have been more appropriate when they were young. As they move toward adulthood, a more cooperative approach is more effective. Think of your role as going from a manager to a trusted consultant. Employing positive discipline with a teen has great benefits: not only can you foster a more harmonious household, but you are also helping to develop your child’s self-esteem, decision-making skills, and sense of responsibility — all skills that will serve them for a lifetime.

Understanding the unique challenges of parenting teens

Significant physical, emotional, cognitive, and social changes have always marked the teen years. Thanks to discoveries in neuroscience, we now understand that a teenager’s push to gain independence, explore their identity, and challenge authority is age-appropriate, given their cognitive development. In other words, .

Notably, the prefrontal cortex (PFC) — the area responsible for self-regulation and impulse control — . This underdeveloped PFC is much of the reason you may be met with seemingly unreasonable and even reckless behavior — from having a chronically messy room to blatantly missing curfew.

In 2022, , asked that researchers 鈥渟eek to challenge negative stereotypes of adolescence and unpack the many ways that the developing brain contributes to positive development during the adolescent years.鈥� That鈥檚 a great challenge for parents to take on, too.

Added stressors in the teen years

Unlike our own teen years, it’s essential to recognize that today’s teens are dealing with stressors we didn’t have to face, from academic pressure to climate change to social media. A of more than 3,300 youths in 15 countries found that more than half of them are experiencing 鈥渆co-anxiety鈥� over climate change.

In May 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General , in which it was noted that 46 percent of 13- to 17-year-olds said social media makes them feel worse about themselves. (Read more about how social media affects your teen’s brain, how to keep your teen safe on social media, and the benefits of a digital curfew.)

Adding academic pressure and worries about choosing a path for their future can create even more stress and anxiety for your teen. Although they may look like young adults, they may feel so insecure and unsure that they sometimes feel like young children needing guidance and firm, loving boundaries.

While teens are pushing parents away to individuate — even though their behavior is developmentally appropriate, and this next piece of information may seem counterintuitive — having a solid parenting presence is more crucial than ever. You鈥檙e stepping into a time in your parenting career when you鈥檙e not just teaching and enforcing expectations but also creating an environment to support your teen鈥檚 mental and emotional health.

4 positive discipline techniques to use with your teen

Employing positive discipline with your teen means helping them learn to stay safe, stay true to themselves, and make sound decisions. Working together to set clear boundaries and consequences when they don’t follow family rules will go far in helping your teen make healthier decisions.

1. Employ respectful curiosity

   Janis Whitlock, PhD, a clinical psychologist and senior advisor at , a nonprofit that works to prevent suicide and sustain the emotional health of teens and young adults, recommends an approach called respectful curiosity. Basically, ask questions and listen with an open mind without passing judgment on your teen. This technique helps you understand what led to their behavior. 鈥淪ince many teens have no idea why they do something,” Whitlock notes in an email interview, “asking questions about what they expected or hoped might come from their actions can give you important information about their mindset and invite useful self-reflection on their part.鈥�

   Whitlock says there are four guiding principles when using respectful curiosity:

   1. Show respect: Show basic respect for each other as individuals.
   2. Be interested: Be open and genuinely interested.
   3. Stay curious: Ask for information that might be important.
   4. Encourage self-discovery: Support your teen in reflecting on their thoughts and actions.

   Whitlock suggests using open-ended questions with your teen, such as, 鈥淐an you help me understand [why/where/what]?” Making sure your tone of voice conveys genuine, sincere curiosity is essential. Otherwise, your teen may react as though you鈥檝e asked them a 鈥済otcha鈥� question — seemingly designed to trap them into telling on themselves or confirming a negative impression they think you already have.

2. Help your child articulate their values

   When your child was younger, the boundaries you set and enforced were aligned with your beliefs and values. For instance, you may have had an expectation that breaking a curfew isn’t acceptable in your house. In your child鈥檚 teen years, you must ensure they know your values. At the same time, as they move closer to adulthood, it’s equally important that you take the time to understand what your teen values. Chances are that you and your child share many values and differ, even dramatically, on others. That’s OK, as long as neither of you causes harm by staying true to what you believe in.

   For example, your teen may think it鈥檚 OK to get home at 11:30 pm, even though you set the curfew for weekend nights at 11:00 pm. For them, they value little more than spending time with their peers. For you, having your teen break a curfew can feel scary and disrespectful. Plus, you might even lose sleep waiting up for them. After some discussion — listening to each other’s points of view — you could come to an agreement. For example, if your teen can show you for a month that they respect the set curfew of 11:00, then you’ll extend it to 11:30. If they continue to break the curfew, you agree together that the consequence is that they skip the next weekend evening outing.

3. Create age-appropriate and logical consequences

   Be specific about what behaviors are acceptable and why. Then, create age-appropriate and logical consequences you’ll enforce if expectations aren鈥檛 followed. So if your teen borrows your car and stays out later than agreed, they know in advance that they can’t use it for a set period afterward. Or, if they get into a fender-bender and they鈥檙e at fault, in advance, you set the expectation that they will help pay to fix the car or for any increase in insurance fees.

   鈥淚n some cases, the natural consequences are the best learning opportunity,” says Whitlock. “Having to apologize to someone, pay for something damaged, or be honest with someone about what happened may be more than enough discipline.鈥�

   When you work with your teen to agree upon rules and consequences, they share accountability by being expected to follow through and being accountable for their actions. Since your teen knows what will happen and has to accept responsibility when they don’t do what’s expected, this helps avoid power struggles that lead to anyone reacting out of frustration or anger.

   If you鈥檙e not sure how to start creating a relationship based on the principles of positive discipline, consider the guidelines for appropriate consequences:

   • Small consequences are better than large, sweeping ones and better than none.
   • Avoid crafting consequences that punish you.
   • Nonabusive responses only.
   • Effective consequences are those that you are in control of and don鈥檛 provide any type of reward to your teen for their actions.

4. Building trust and communication with your teen

   Trust and communication remain the foundations of a positive relationship with your teenager. Building trust involves respecting their privacy, keeping promises, and showing unconditional support.

   Effective communication includes not just talking but actively listening to your teen’s thoughts and concerns. Remember, your teen is more likely to open up if there鈥檚 a sense of mutual respect and understanding.

樱桃视频 teens: real-life success stories

What does positive discipline with teens look like in real life?

Consider Lisa and her 17-year-old, Zane. Lisa noticed Zane often seemed conflicted about decisions, especially in the face of peer pressure. Instead of lecturing and telling him what she would do in Zane鈥檚 situation, Lisa used respectful curiosity to understand his perspective. During their conversations, she asked open-ended questions like, “What matters most to you in this situation?” and “How do these choices align with what you believe?”

This positive discipline approach to communicating openly without judgment or unsolicited advice meant Zane felt Lisa respected his thoughts and allowed him to reflect on his values. Over time, he became more confident in making decisions that were true to himself, even if they differed from his friends’ choices. Lisa’s respectful curiosity strengthened their relationship and supported Zane in refining and trusting his personal value system. This kind of genuine self-esteem helped him feel self-assured and make authentic decisions.

Navigating the teen years can be daunting for both parents and teens. Lisa鈥檚 story demonstrates that navigating the teen years skillfully requires patience, empathy, open communication, recognizing that your teen鈥檚 brain is developing rapidly, and respect for your teen鈥檚 thoughts and feelings.